**Man deinst terug voor een schaduw,** Henri Gabriel Ibels (mentioned on object), 1895 || Rijksmuseum

In existential depth psychology, the concept of being in alignment with oneself is a central tenet that speaks to the essence of human authenticity. This idea suggests that individuals often live—often unconsciously—in ways that contradict their true nature, acting out of alignment due to external influences and learned belief systems. The structures and values imposed upon us by society, culture, family, and education frequently take precedence over our innate feelings and desires. Consequently, we become estranged from our authentic selves, leading to internal dissonance and confusion about our emotions. This essay explores the process of misalignment, its consequences, and the path toward self-reconciliation through existential awareness and authenticity.

The Origins of Misalignment.

From an early age, individuals are conditioned to adopt specific norms, behaviors, and values that may or may not reflect their personal truths. These imposed frameworks serve as guides for navigating the world but can also act as constraints that limit genuine self-expression. Many people internalize these external directives without critically assessing their alignment with personal values, thereby creating an incongruence between their actions and their authentic nature. As a result, individuals may pursue careers, relationships, or lifestyles that do not genuinely fulfill them, leading to an existential void.

As James Hillman describes in his enlightening book, The Souls’ Code: In Search of Character and Calling (1996):

In regard to children and their psychology, I want the scales of habit (and the masked hatred within the habit) to fall from our eyes. I want us to envision that what children go through has to do with finding a place in the world for their specific calling. They are trying to live two lives at once, the one they were born with and the one of the place and among the people they were born into. The entire image of a destiny is packed into a tiny acorn, the seed of a huge oak on small shoulders. And its call rings loud and persistent and is as demanding as any scolding voice from the surroundings. The call shows in the tantrums and obstinacies, in the shyness and retreats, that seem to set the child agains our world but that may be protections of the world it comes with and comes from.

Hillman’s “acorn theory” posits that each individual is born with a unique calling or inner image—the “acorn”—which contains the blueprint of their potential life path.

Hillman draws inspiration from ancient sources, notably Plato’s Myth of Er, which describes how souls, before incarnating, choose their next lives based on prior experiences and lessons. This myth emphasizes the soul's responsibility in shaping its destiny, resonating with Hillman’s idea that our task in life is not to fabricate the self but to remember and align with the daimonic (Hillman interchanges this Greek word with character, fate, soul, genius, destiny) image that we are born to fulfill.

This perspective finds further harmony with the Three I’s of Buddhism—impermanence, imperfection, and impersonal—which teach that clinging to fixed identities or outcomes obstructs genuine self-understanding. Both Hillman and Buddhist philosophy urge a movement inward, away from egoic striving and toward the deeper, often hidden truths of the soul’s unfolding purpose.

The Consequences of Living Out of Alignment.

The emotional and psychological ramifications of living out of alignment are profound. When individuals suppress their true feelings to conform to external expectations, they experience emotional turmoil, including anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of emptiness. This misalignment creates a disconnect between one’s emotions and actions, leading to confusion, frustration, and difficulty in making decisions that truly serve one’s well-being.

Moreover, self-alienation can lead to a lack of meaning and purpose. Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and founder of Logotherapy, emphasized the importance of finding meaning in life as a way to overcome existential despair. In his seminal work, Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl writes, “Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.”

In other words, choice is always upon us.

When individuals act against their true nature, they struggle to derive meaning from their experiences, resulting in existential angst. The suppression of the authentic Self and emotions often leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as escapism, addiction, or compulsive behaviors, as individuals seek to fill the void left by their estrangement from themselves.

The Path to Realignment.

*Snowy Evening on a Mountain Path*, Hiroaki Takahashi (1871–1945). Original from The Los Angeles County Museum of Art. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel..jpg

Reclaiming alignment with oneself requires a deep engagement with self-awareness and existential reflection. One must begin by questioning the belief systems and values that have been inherited from external sources. This process involves distinguishing between imposed ideologies and personal truths, allowing for the emergence of an authentic self.

Practicing mindfulness and introspection can facilitate this process. By paying close attention to emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations, individuals can recognize when they are acting inauthentically. Engaging in existential questioning helps individuals gain clarity about their authentic nature:

“Who am I?”
“How do I make meaning out of suffering and loss?"
"What is my place in the universe?"
"How do I respond to physical, spiritual, and relational responsibilities?"
“What do I truly value?”

Living Authentically To Be Me.

Another crucial aspect of realignment is the courage to act in accordance with one’s true self, even when it contradicts societal expectations. This may involve making difficult life choices, such as changing careers, redefining relationships, or setting boundaries that honor personal needs. Existential authenticity requires an acceptance of personal responsibility and the willingness to live with the consequences of one’s choices, knowing that they reflect one’s genuine self rather than external demands.

A profound expression of this courage is found in the lives of gay, queer, and trans individuals who choose to live authentically in a world that often marginalizes their identities. For many, aligning with their true selves means confronting deep-seated cultural norms, risking rejection or discrimination, and navigating systems not designed for their flourishing.

Yet, it is precisely in this confrontation—this refusal to abandon one’s inner truth in favor of social conformity—that an extraordinary strength emerges.

Their journeys embody the existential imperative to live in alignment with the soul's call, echoing both Hillman’s acorn theory and the Buddhist invitation to release illusions of permanence and fixed identity. In embracing their acorn’s calling in life, queer and trans individuals often become powerful models of individuation, not only for their communities but for anyone seeking to live a life of depth, integrity, and freedom.

Jung's Concept of Individuation and Existential Alignment.

Carl Jung’s concept of individuation offers a complementary framework to the existential notion of alignment with oneself. Individuation is the process of integrating different aspects of the psyche—including the conscious and unconscious—into a cohesive, authentic self. This journey involves confronting and embracing the shadow, the anima/animus, and other archetypal elements within the unconscious to achieve self-realization. Much like existential alignment, individuation calls for deep introspection and a departure from externally imposed identities.

Jung believed that individuation was a lifelong process that required individuals to transcend social conditioning and uncover their true nature.

He argued that many people live inauthentic lives by adhering to collective norms rather than following their inner calling. This parallels existential concerns about conformity and self-alienation. Individuation, like existential alignment, demands that individuals take responsibility for their personal growth and become active participants in shaping their destiny.

Jungian individuation highlights the necessity of meaning-making, which closely aligns with Frankl’s emphasis on existential fulfillment. Through individuation, individuals integrate their fragmented selves and achieve a sense of wholeness, which leads to a more meaningful and purpose-driven existence.

By embracing both existential and Jungian perspectives, individuals can navigate their internal conflicts and external pressures, ultimately achieving a deeper sense of authenticity and fulfillment.

Beginning the Journey.

Being in alignment with oneself is a journey of self-discovery and existential authenticity. Many individuals live out of alignment due to the powerful influence of societal norms and belief systems that suppress their true nature.

Existential disconnection results in emotional distress, existential confusion, and a loss of meaning. Existential depth psychology teaches that alignment with oneself is not just a philosophical ideal but a necessary condition for a meaningful and authentic life.

Through self-awareness, introspection, and the courage to live authentically, individuals can reclaim their true selves and find greater fulfillment.