Embracing the Presence of the Other
orses in landscape (1928) painting in high resolution by Leo Gestel. Original from The Rijksmuseum. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel.
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Embrace the presence of others: please try this practice. You can practice mindfulness of the breath for a minute or walk mindfully toward the person you love most in the world. Then you are truly here, truly present. You open your mouth and you utter the magic words of the mantra: "Dear one, I am really here for you." You embrace the presence of the other with the mindfulness that is within you.
Thich Nhat Hanh, Your True Home
Thich Nhat Hanh once taught that the most magical words we can ever offer another are also the simplest: “Dear one, I am really here for you.”
I return to these words again and again in my own life and in my work with couples. They are both balm and mirror—balm because they soothe the ache of longing to be seen, mirror because they reflect back how often we live side-by-side yet fail to arrive in each other’s presence.
How often do we sit across from someone we love and our minds wander? How often do we listen only halfway, our attention tugged by the unfinished to-do list or the glow of a screen? The wound of absence runs deep. Sometimes, it is not betrayal or cruelty that severs intimacy, but simply the quiet erosion of presence.
In couples therapy, we practice what Thich Nhat Hanh calls us toward: mindful attention, spoken aloud. We slow down. We breathe. We look into our partner’s eyes not to win an argument, but to listen as if we are hearing them for the first time. We mirror their words, not because we agree, but because we honor their reality. Presence becomes the medicine that begins to knit two lives back together.
You might try this practice:
Pause before you greet your loved one. Breathe deeply for a minute, anchoring yourself in this moment. As you step toward them, let your walk itself be mindful. When you arrive, let your eyes meet theirs and speak the mantra: “Dear one, I am really here for you.”
These words are not decoration. They are invitation. They say:
I see you.
I hear you.
I am walking with you in this moment of our shared life.
Presence is not complicated, but it is radical. It softens hearts, quiets defenses, and restores the possibility of connection. It is how love breathes again.
Like the buffalo turning into the storm rather than away from it, presence calls us to lean into what is real—whether ease or tension, joy or sorrow. To turn toward one another is to choose courage over avoidance, intimacy over distance.
When we dare to say, “Dear one, I am really here for you,” we meet the storm together, side by side, and discover that even the fiercest weather cannot break us when we walk through it with presence.
Are you and your partner seeking support in seeing and hearing and feeling each other more deeply?
Let’s connect and see how we could work together toward your aspirations.
Lisa A. Rainwater, PhD, MA (couns), LCMHC, CCMHC, CCTP, CT is the owner of Rainwater Counseling in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where she provides depth psychotherapy and relational attachment and grief counseling to individuals and couples. She earned a master’s in German Studies from the University of Oregon; a master’s in Counseling from Wake Forest University; and a doctorate in German and Scandinavian Studies (folklore) from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Lisa holds certification in Jungian and Post-Jungian Clinical Concepts and engages in ongoing coursework from the Centre of Applied Jungian Studies. She is a Certified Dialogue Therapist for Couples — a psychoanalytic and mindfulness-based couples modality. Lisa is a Certified Thanatologist in Death, Dying, and Bereavement through the Association of Death Education and Counseling and has trained at the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition in Grief Therapy as Meaning Reconstruction. Currently, she is enrolled in Finding Ourselves in Fairytales: A Narrative Psychological Approach—an 8-month Graduate Certificate program through Pacifica Graduate Institute.
She is licensed to practice in North Carolina, Colorado, and Wisconsin.
