COUPLES therapy.

Fostering trust, intimacy, forgiveness, and happiness.

Our Past Colors our Present

New love can feel like a cotton candy meadow filled with wild flowers—sweet and playful with endless possibilities swaying gently in the breeze. As the relationship unfolds, you grow into and out of each other. Conflicts do arise. How you engage with each other is critical to maintaining trust, intimacy, forgiveness, and happiness.

Your family of origin stories—the foundational chapters that form the basis of how you engage and attach to others as adults—are key to understanding how you and your loved one engage with each other in the present.

Some may call it “personal baggage.” I like to call it “life chapters” because your earlier experiences are not something to denigrate or discard but rather to learn from.

You and your partner’s foundational chapters may include an attentive parent who provided you with a warm and loving bond. Or you might have had an insensitive caregiver. Or you might have had an inconsistent childrearing. These early experiences color how you engage with and attach to others. We cannot change the past, but we can adapt and grow in the present—creating stronger bonds built on respect, trust, and feelings of safety.

Relational Connections

I am in formal training to become a Couples Dialogue Therapist through the the Institute for Dialogue Therapy. Developed by Jungian analyst and Zen Buddhist, Polly Young-Eisendrath, Dialogue Therapy helps couples learn how to negotiate conflict through the cultivation of self understanding and understanding of the other. We examine emotional response patterns developed in your family of origin and how they can arise when you feel threatened, misunderstood, or in crisis.

One of the more profound elements of Dialogue Therapy is the differentiation of relational connections:

1. Impersonal familiarity occurs between people who engage with one another through loving-kindness, in Buddhist teachings “metta.” I like to imagine it as the act of recognizing each other’s humanity and sharing an invisible embrace for our human condition, which includes both suffering and happiness. While we feel a loving-kindness towards people in this sphere of relational engagement, the relationships are non-confrontational.

2. Personal familiarity demands a level of commitment and acceptance and enables us to engage with others in loving, meaningful ways. But it is not without discomfort at times. We cannot help but compare ourselves to those we know personally. We can appreciate and even celebrate our differences while also growing weary or irritated by one’s demands.

In our couples therapy, I blend elements of Emotionally Focused Therapy and Dialogue Therapy.

We focus on your personal familiarity between you — looking at how you found each other, grew with and without each other, and how you can discover new things about your partner monthly, weekly, even daily with mindful curiosity and compassion. Mindfulness is at the heart of this practice, paying close attention to emotional expression, tone, volume, and physicality.

Through our work together, you learn skills that help you speak for yourself using “I” statements, listen with heart, and view your loved one with curiosity.

No matter your life chapters and coupling story, I am here to support you in your desire to improve your relationship, reestablish intimacy, seek and offer forgiveness, and adjust to role changes.

Who is the client?

Your relationship is the client. In other words, I do not take sides. If one is speaking harshly or sarcastically to another, I will intervene and encourage you to speak in a way that feels authentic but also loving to your partner. On occasion, I will suggest I meet with each of you individually. Anything said in this individual session is open to discuss at a future couples session. The purpose of this type of meeting is to gain a better understanding of your early childhood attachment experiences.

What does a couples counseling session look like?

The first session is 60 minutes hours, which is followed by our initial 30-minute consult. These session gives you both an opportunity to tell your story — how you met, what qualities you love about your partner, and what has brought you to couples therapy. We also discuss your families of origin, a few early childhood memories, and your relationship to family members today.

Regular sessions are 60 minutes and focus on the issues you bring and continue our discussions from prior sessions. I often give “homework,” which helps you practice the skills you learned in session.

During these sessions you are encouraged to talk directly with your partner instead of talking “through” me. I pose questions, share observations, and actively redirect you, if necessary, to assist in finding a way to express your thoughts, feelings, and emotions in a safe and respectful manner.

What topics do we discuss?

All topics are open for discussion. I encourage you to explore your own fears, inhibitions, frustrations, and joys in your relationship; your hopes for the future and reconciliation with the past.

How many sessions?

I recommend a commitment of at least 10 sessions, upon which we review progress and determine next steps together. You can terminate our work together at any time.